Sober Friends

Ever feel like you’re the only one who thinks this way? The Sober Friends Podcast is for people who are learning that recovery is about more than quitting drinking—it’s about learning how to live. Every week, Matt and Steve have honest conversations about the challenges that don’t disappear when alcohol does: anxiety, control, relationships, fear, loneliness, resentment, people-pleasing, and the ongoing work of emotional sobriety. Because getting sober doesn’t automatically make life easier. It just gives you the opportunity to face life differently. No gurus. No perfection. No pretending to have it all figured out. Just two friends with long-term sobriety sharing what they’ve learned, what they’re still learning, and how recovery continues to shape their lives years after their last drink. Whether you’re questioning your drinking, newly sober, or years into recovery, you’ll find practical ins

308 episodes

12d ago latest

weekly cadence

English language

Explicit rating

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Episodes 300

I Keep Finding the Next Thing That Could Go Wrong
5d ago · 31:17
Send us Fan Mail Sometimes you solve the thing you were worried about and feel relieved for about five minutes. Then your brain finds something else that could go wrong. Matt and Steve talk about what uncertainty does to them, from travel and job changes to money, family responsibilities, and situations where you've prepared as well as you can but still can't control the outcome. They also look back at the role alcohol used to play as a reliable way to shut down that discomfort, at least temp...
Why Do I Keep Apologizing for Needing Help?
12d ago · 34:44
Send us Fan Mail Why is it so hard to ask for help without immediately feeling like you need to apologize for it? Matt and Steve talk about the shame that can come with needing support, the belief that we should be able to handle everything ourselves, and the fear that struggling will make other people think less of us. They also get into pride, people pleasing, emotional overwhelm, and the difference between actually owing someone an apology and simply being uncomfortable with needing them. ...
I Wasn’t Crying About What I Thought I Was Crying About
19d ago · 33:21
Send us Fan Mail You can spend a lot of time trying to fix the thing that seems to be causing your anxiety and still miss what’s actually underneath it. For Matt, the panic looked like money, college costs, and the fear of letting his son down. But when the emotion finally came out, it opened into something bigger: grief, change, getting older, losing control, and realizing that some parts of life can’t be solved before they’re felt. Matt and Steve talk about why sobriety can bring us face-to...
The Problem With Being Good at Gutting It Out
26d ago · 35:01
Send us Fan Mail Being able to gut through pain can look like strength—until it becomes the reason you stay in a bad situation longer than you should. Matt talks about hitting a wall during a difficult medication taper, changing the plan, and still feeling like a failure for not pushing through. Matt and Steve look at how that same stubbornness shows up in health, work, and addiction. They talk about mistaking willpower for recovery, waiting until the pain becomes unbearable before asking for...
I Felt Flat, So I Started Questioning Everything
1mo ago · 32:37
Send us Fan Mail After travel, disrupted sleep, and a difficult medication taper, Matt feels depleted—and immediately starts questioning everything. Does his work matter? Is the podcast helping anyone? Is something genuinely wrong, or is exhaustion turning a temporary emotional state into a verdict on his entire life? Matt and Steve talk about the dangerous stories that can surface when they feel flat, including the old urge to fix the feeling or escape it altogether. They also look at the le...
I Wasn’t as Bad as Them, So I Kept Drinking
1mo ago · 34:20
Send us Fan Mail As long as Matt wasn’t drinking like his father—and Steve wasn’t as bad as the people he grew up around—they could tell themselves they weren’t really alcoholics. There was always someone who had lost more, drank more, or looked more like the stereotype. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about how comparing your drinking to someone else’s worst consequences can keep you stuck. You don’t have to lose your job, your family, or everything you own before you’re allowed to admi...
I’m Successful—How Bad Could My Drinking Be? | Mike Curry
1mo ago · 40:46
Send us Fan Mail Success can make a drinking problem harder to see. When you are still working, earning, providing, and checking the outward boxes, it is easy to use those accomplishments as proof that nothing is seriously wrong. In this conversation, Matt talks with sobriety coach and podcast host Mike Curry about succeeding professionally while struggling privately. They discuss the limits of the “functioning alcoholic” label, the pressure to keep achieving, what alcohol quietly takes from ...
I Got Sober. I Still Avoid the Phone
1mo ago · 29:50
Send us Fan Mail Sobriety can take away the drinking, but it does not automatically fix the part of us that avoids uncomfortable things. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about the everyday tasks that can become weirdly heavy in recovery: making the phone call, going back to the dentist, dealing with money, choosing a contractor, or finally handling the thing we’ve been putting off. This conversation is about the anxiety that builds when we avoid, and the relief that often comes from takin...
I Thought I'd Appreciate it Later
2mo ago · 34:23
Send us Fan Mail There’s a way many of us postpone our lives without even realizing it. We tell ourselves we’ll slow down later, appreciate it later, and be happy when things settle down. Then one day we look around and realize the years didn’t slow down while we were waiting. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about Father’s Day, graduation season, and the surprising realization that the moments we miss most usually aren’t the big milestones. They’re the ordinary things: rides to school, f...
I Was So Tired of Looking Okay — with Brooke Taylor
2mo ago · 47:14
Send us Fan Mail Brooke Taylor looked successful from the outside. But behind the polished image was alcohol, pressure, and the exhausting feeling that nothing ever felt like enough. In this conversation, she shares what it was like to get sober before she felt ready — and why early sobriety felt more like punishment than freedom. They also talk about the exhausting work of keeping up appearances, what it took to finally stop, and why getting sober doesn’t always end the search for relief, ap...
Most of My Anxiety Lived in the Future
2mo ago · 30:43
Send us Fan Mail Most of us spend a lot of time worrying about things that haven't happened yet. We replay conversations, predict outcomes, and try to solve problems that may never arrive. In recovery, that kind of future-tripping can feel overwhelming because alcohol is no longer there to quiet the noise. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about the connection between anxiety and control. They explore why the need to know how everything will turn out often creates more stress, not less, a...
The Disease Model Doesn’t Let Me Off the Hook
2mo ago · 36:23
Send us Fan Mail In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about the disease model of alcoholism—not as an excuse, but as a way to understand why alcohol affected them differently than it does other people. The conversation starts with the idea of “getting better and leaving,” and turns into a deeper look at why staying connected still matters, even after years of sobriety. They discuss personal responsibility, AA, the “built-in forgetter,” and the strange reality of still noticing alcohol in ways...
The Voice Didn’t Go Away When I Got Sober
3mo ago · 30:30
Send us Fan Mail Getting sober does not automatically make the voice in your head disappear. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about the part of the mind that used to minimize drinking — you’re not that bad, other people drink more, you’re overreacting — and how that same voice can show up later in sobriety as doubt, fear, or the feeling that you don’t deserve what you have. Matt shares how anxiety led his brain to start filling in the blanks with stories: that his work did not matter, tha...
Learn to Sit With Yourself
3mo ago · 33:58
Send us Fan Mail There’s a weird part of sobriety where nothing is technically wrong, but you still feel uncomfortable in your own skin. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about what happens when alcohol is gone, but the restlessness, anxiety, expectations, and urge to escape are still there. They get into why discomfort does not always mean something is wrong, how ordinary life can still feel hard sober, and why learning to sit with yourself is not the same as isolating or forcing yourself...
Stop Arguing With Reality for One Day
3mo ago · 30:58
Send us Fan Mail In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about acceptance in sobriety — not as approval, not as giving up, and not as pretending everything is fine. It is about getting honest with reality instead of wasting energy trying to control people, outcomes, feelings, or the past. They dig into why acceptance can feel so uncomfortable for newcomers, especially when it sounds passive or weak. The conversation gets into control, resentment, asking for help, and the simple but difficult pra...
Sober Twelve Years. Still Avoiding the Phone
3mo ago · 32:54
Send us Fan Mail Matt and Steve talk about what happens when old alcoholic thinking shows up without the alcohol. Matt shares what it has been like tapering off medication, including the dark, isolating feeling that reaching out would not help — even when he knows connection usually does. They also get into emotional overreactions, escape fantasies, family stress, broken phones, sponsor avoidance, and the uncomfortable truth that recovery still asks for action long after the drinking stops. T...
A 13-Year-Old Knew He’d Been Drinking
4mo ago · 33:05
Send us Fan Mail A 13-year-old goes to Six Flags and comes back with a story—she could tell right away that another parent had been drinking. No one told her. She just knew. That moment turns into a bigger conversation about what kids actually pick up on, how early they figure things out, and what it means when you think you’re hiding your drinking—but you’re not. Matt and Steve talk about being that parent, how relationships with kids quietly slip over time, and what changes when you’re fina...
Why You Know What to Do… But Still Don’t Do It
4mo ago · 32:58
Send us Fan Mail Ever know exactly what you should do… and still can’t make yourself do it? That’s what this episode is about. This week, Matt and Steve talk about the kind of overwhelm that doesn’t show up as a crisis — it just builds quietly until everything feels heavy. The to-do list grows, your brain won’t shut off, and even simple things start to feel harder than they should. They get into: Why there’s a gap between knowing and doingHow “keep it simple” can help — or become a trapWhat i...
I Did Everything Right… So Why Is This Happening?
4mo ago · 39:14
Send us Fan Mail Ever feel like you’re doing everything right… and it still blows up anyway? That’s what this episode is about. This week, Matt and Steve talk about those moments when life hits hard even when you’re showing up, doing the work, and trying to stay on track. The kind of setbacks that make you question what the point is—and whether any of it is actually working. They get into: Why doing the “right things” doesn’t guarantee smooth outcomesHow to deal with frustration when things f...
The Most Owned, Least Understood Book in Recovery
4mo ago · 29:39
Send us Fan Mail A lot of people in AA have a Big Book. Fewer people know how to actually use it. Matt was one of those people for a long time — and he's willing to admit it. In this episode Matt and Steve dig into what the Big Book actually is and what it isn't. It's not a memoir. It's not a devotional. It's not a loose collection of Bill Wilson's thoughts. It's a textbook — sequential by design, with chapters that build on each other deliberately. Read it out of order, rush through it, or t...
My Drinking Had a Formula (And It Always Ended the Same)
5mo ago · 32:12
Send us Fan Mail Nobody gets sober because they want to stop drinking. They get sober because their life isn't working — and somewhere along the way, someone handed them a set of instructions that actually helped. Matt and Steve call it the recipe. Not a rulebook, not a religious text, not a list of suggestions. A recipe. Follow the steps enough times and something unexpected happens — it stops being something you do and starts being how you live. In this episode they dig into what sobriety a...
Dr. Adi Jaffe: Getting Better Is the Goal
5mo ago · 49:06
Send us Fan Mail What does recovery actually mean? If you've ever measured your sobriety by days and wondered if there was more to it than that, this episode is for you. Matt sits down with Dr. Adi Jaffe — psychologist, neuroscientist, UCLA researcher, and author of The Abstinence Myth and Unhooked — for one of the most honest and wide-ranging conversations Sober Friends has ever had. Dr. Jaffe went from meth-addicted drug dealer with nine felonies to earning his PhD and building one of the m...
Drinking Felt Like It Fixed Me—Until It Didn’t
5mo ago · 34:00
Send us Fan Mail That's the part nobody wants to say out loud. Alcohol wasn't just a bad habit — for a lot of us, it was a solution. It fixed the social anxiety. It fixed the noise. It fixed the feeling of not fitting in. The problem wasn't that it didn't work. The problem was everything it cost. Matt shares a moment from a recent trip to Boston — walking past the warm lights of a hotel bar, depleted and exhausted, and feeling the whisper. He wasn't in danger. But he heard it. And that's exac...
Doorway or Loophole?
6mo ago · 32:30
Send us Fan Mail You've heard it a thousand times in the rooms — take what you like and leave the rest. But what does that actually mean? Matt and Steve dig into one of recovery's most repeated phrases and ask the question nobody wants to answer: are you using it as a doorway into the program, or a loophole out of it? From the opinions of the old-timer who never shuts up to skipping Step 4 because it makes you uncomfortable — there's a real difference between leaving what doesn't belong to th...
Carrying the Message (Without Being Preachy)
6mo ago · 32:08
Send us Fan Mail "Carrying the message" doesn't mean becoming Mr. AA or giving speeches at speaker meetings. It's not about recruiting, arguing on Facebook, or diagnosing strangers. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk honestly about what carrying the message actually looks like — and why it has nothing to do with preaching. Steve shares the story of his first AA meeting: lost, confused, and terrified. Then someone reached out with a simple handshake and said, "Hey, I'm Mike. How you doing to...