Each week, a curated selection of historical 78 RPM recordings of mostly popular music, with a radio drama thrown in at the end.
Reading the feed…
And it’s time now for everybody’s favorite game of uninformed conjecture: The Armchair Psychologist, brought to you by our generous sponsor Big John’s Armchair Emporium. Today, as always, we will be asking three randomly chosen studio audience members to seat themselves on our three magnificent armchairs - next to an invisible psychiatrist’s couch. They will be psychoanalyzing various famous personages, despite having no training or professional credentials.
We visit Red, and his twin brother Ted, as they order a Kingsley Industries Magnetronic Super Mark IV Model Replicatronitoidinator. This device utilizes specially patented parabaloidinous mirrors to replicate any object placed in its chamber. Red and Ted start replicating food, so they almost never have to grocery shopping; not to mention replicating all their clothes. What could possibly go wrong?
In an attempt to escape having to do geometry homework, Rex climbs into his Kingsley Industries Time Travel Burlap Sack and winds up as a laborer in Ancient Egypt. Can his brother Ray find him and get him home in time for dinner before Mom finds out?
Fourteen hand-selected aspiring composers flock to Oceantown to drink from the fountain of musical knowledge of her eminence, Miss Boulangerie. We hear sixteen compositions which derive their inspiration from aspects of The Jungle, that tangled mass of vegetation and dense diversity which is also a metaphor for lawlessness and beauty. We are grateful to today’s sponsor: Jack’s Jungle Supply.
Yes, dear friends, concerned anthropomorphic robots, those whose job is to babysit us humans and do all our chores, perform all our research and figure out all our problems; now have to figure out how to keep us from turning into pasty-faced blobs in danger of going extinct. They’ve hit on the idea of forcing all of us to study Latin Dance.
Yes, space aliens from planet Kingsley X-10 have decided to prank poor Professor Warner. He has been searching for life in outer space for decades, finding nothing. Now they’re taking him on a joy ride to show him all the life forms that have been right under his nose this whole time.
Complaint is the mother of invention. That’s why Grampton Industries has created the Grampton Gripe Grapevine. Call in and complain. They plan to take any burr that happens to be under your saddle and patent an invention that will solve it. The public seems to be embracing the concept
Mr Finbarr Washington, a distant descendant of George Washington, has been plucked from his serene Oceantown existence and thrust onto the international stage as King Finbarr the First. The shadowy cabal running the nation figures an obscure old duffer should be easy to control and manipulate as the government figurehead. The monopoly-owned media outlets are claiming that we always were a monarchy, only now we’re just being explicit about it.
Wilson, along with many of his fellow engineers at Overtone Industries Research and Development Division, has signed up for the Kingsley Productivity Course. They are being stymied in their pursuit of enhanced efficiency by their boss-hog Rick. Will Rick continue to make their lives a living heck?
Evil Rogier Den Polse has allowed Professor Milliner to get eaten by a giant tiger during a camera safari, stole the professor’s clothes and papers, then showed up on Earth pretending to be him – all in pursuit of the packet of Rough Diamonds the professor sent to his daughter for safekeeping. Will he get away with it?
Big Leader, boss-hog of the entire world, has systematically expanded his empire - first with a few isolated countries here and there - until every inhabited region on earth is under his dominion. Now he wants to build an exclusive golf resort on the moon.
Elmira sends away for a Kingsley Brothers Mail-Order Home-Building Kit. Satisfied customers claim that with this everything-included package one can assemble a veritable castle with just 16 hours of focused toil. Elmira’s unemployed geologist husband Eugene is skeptical. Listen as they attempt to construct the home of their dreams with the help of the 78 RPM records which the Kingsley Brothers include with each order.
Grandma gives Roy and Rex the wishbone from the Thanksgiving turkey. Rex yanks the big half and gets his wish: he wants to go back the Good Old Days of the Nineteenth Century, when everyone had good morals, and they didn’t have all the problems we have today. Or did they?
Legal correspondents Rusty and Red provide live coverage of The State vs Dr Royal Kingsley. It is alleged that Dr Kingsley is operating an unlicensed clinic, and that none of his doctors and nurses have any actual medical credentials whatsoever. Prosecutors obtained a search warrant and conducted an early morning raid producing oodles of evidence. The defendant refused a plea deal.
We welcome titan of industry and business tycoon, Dr Roy Kingsley. He’s here in the studio to assist with our hour-long radio correspondence course in Business Administration. We plan to cover Diversification, Divestiture, Bankruptcy, and Trade Secrets among other important topics.
In which we make a beeline from Eastport, Maine to a party in Ireland. This necessitates trudging over woods and farm fields and thousands of miles of ocean floor. We wanted to take the most direct route possible. Cake is served.
Grandma has gifted young penniless engineering student Reginald Wilson a Timebuster 2000 Rotary telephone. This special rotary phone plugs right into any wall outlet, and allows one to talk to anyone, be they alive or be they dead, from any point in history. Will he use it wisely?
Yes, dear friends, brothers Ray and Rex are back at Grandma and Grandpa’s old house on the farm. Rumor has it Gramps hid untold wealth someplace secret – but where? Now that he’s passed away, they’ll have to find it for themselves, assuming it even exists.
Join us as we travel to the Cretaceous Period to eavesdrop on the plant kingdom. Can they plot to make us animals and insects do their bidding?
To avoid getting roped into doing housework, Rusty heads over to Red’s house to kill time, and is trying out the birthday present Red got from his grandma: A Kingsley Alternative Reality Literary Enhancerator. This device allows readers of novels to actually inhabit the books they are reading: experience the trials and triumphs, the elation and the despair of the characters, be they human or otherwise.
Professor McCloud, leading scientist among the Cloud People inhabiting the vast ammonia clouds on gaseous planet Jupiter, has developed a Jovian telescope, and is discovering things that completely go against some long-held beliefs of the Jovians. Will he be forced to recant his findings or continue his research behind a cloud of secrecy?
Roger and his siblings feel duty-bound to do something about Gramps, who has been living in disorganized squalor since Grandma passed away. Since they all live 1500 miles from Gramps, and are involved in busy careers and family life, they’ve decided to meet with representatives of Kingsley Research and Development to learn if the newly-developed Large Particle Broom Accelerator would be a cost-effective solution.
Her Highness’ Department of Happiness has rolled out an exciting new enterprise: train the inhabitants of the realm in The Scientific Method, which they will then apply to their own day-to-day lives. They’re gonna start em young in the schools, thus young Rusty and Rex have been tasked with performing some experiments at home over spring break.
Grandma has sent a present to Rusty and Red: a Kingsley Industries Medieval Alchemy Set which has been updated to incorporate modern knowledge of the Periodic Table of the Elements, and which includes a Tri-phasic Elec-tectronerator to allow young scientists to turn themselves into subatomic particles so they can see for themselves what’s shakin’ in them thar molecules.
Join us for The Volcano Hour. Whether you’re active, dormant or downright extinct, stay with us as we beam out the music, poetry and current events most important to all you titanic timebombs.
