Proxy with Yowei Shaw

Proxy investigates the hyper-specific emotional mysteries that run our lives and world — sometimes by finding someone who gets it, sometimes by reporting from the emotions beat. Hosted by Yowei Shaw, former co-host and editorial lead of Invisibilia.We’ll be back with new cases this fall — and we’ll be dropping a few treats in the feed this summer. Follow the show so you don’t miss the next case. Follow us on Instagram: @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Get in touch at proxythepod@gmail.com If you’re new, try: Bisexual Wife Guy , Yowei Can't Speak Bro , or <a href="https://play.prx.org/lis

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Episodes 27

Taelor Doesn't Want to Have Sex
2mo ago · 1:00:03
The case of the asexual woman who wants romantic partnership with no sex. Taelor wants a partner who wants what she wants: closeness, commitment, emotional intimacy, a life together. Just not sex. But years of dating as an asexual woman has left Taelor wondering if what she wants is too specific to find. Does she keep trying? And if love without sex isn’t possible for her, how does she cope? How do you grieve a life you still want but aren’t sure you’ll get? In this episode, we find Taelor a proxy: an asexual woman who's been married for 12 years without having to compromise on sex. Together,
Sam Doesn't Know How to Be Rich
2mo ago · 58:25
The case of the progressive rich guy who doesn’t know what to do with his money. Sam grew up middle class, built a company, sold it, and suddenly found himself with more money than he ever expected. But instead of feeling free, Sam feels stuck. He doesn’t want to become the kind of rich person he used to judge. He doesn’t want money to change his relationships. He doesn’t want to hoard it. He doesn’t even want to talk about it. In this episode, we find Sam a proxy: David Steely, a former millionaire who has since given most of his money away. Together, they talk about secrecy, guilt, redistrib
Alex's Husband Is Too Straight
2mo ago · 50:53
The case of the person who worries their husband still sees them as his wife. Alex is nonbinary, and their husband Henry is a straight cis man. Henry has been supportive through every step of Alex’s transition — pronouns, testosterone, top surgery — but Alex worries: if Henry is straight, does that mean he still sees Alex as a woman? In this episode, we find Alex two proxies: Elvis, a trans man who transitioned inside his long-term relationship, and Ryan, Elvis’s straight cis husband. Together, they talk about labels, desire, dysphoric sex, and the tender, terrifying question underneath it all
Yowei Can't Speak Bro
3mo ago · 51:51
The case of the podcast host who can't speak bro. For the past twelve years, Yowei has been trying — and failing — to have a normal conversation with her husband's best friend. It's not for lack of goodwill. But somehow, every time, they can't find a rhythm. Yowei's theory: he speaks bro, and she doesn't know how. In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy bro and gets a crash course in bro banter — the hidden rules and emotional logic behind the joking, shit-talking, and conversations that can last for hours without a single life update. From the episode: — Jason Stewart — podcaster, DJ, and co-hos
Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs
3mo ago · 50:04
The case of the dog trainer who stopped feeling close to her own dogs. Jane's whole life has been dogs. Doggie daycare, animal rescue, behavior modification, fostering, training — dogs were the place she felt most at home. Which is why Jane is so disturbed by what's happening now. She still takes care of her two dogs. She still loves them. But the feeling is gone. In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy who helps Jane investigate the emotional aftermath of animal caregiving — the burnout, anticipatory grief, and compassion fatigue that can make even love start to feel like another demand. Please
Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head
4mo ago · 1:02:30
The case of the writer whose inner narrator disappeared. For most of her life, Caitlin Myer had a narrator. A voice that told stories, shaped sentences, kept her company, and made writing feel less like work than a way of being alive. Then, after a concussion, the voice disappeared. Caitlin could no longer write the way she used to. She couldn’t hear the music of her own sentences. And even as she slowly regained the ability to read, work, and move through the world again, she was left with a terrifying question: if the thing that gave your life meaning is gone, how do you find the plot again?
Yowei Used to Hide Her Husband Kyle (from Love Letters)
4mo ago · 40:21
Once upon a time, Yowei felt embarrassed to have a boyfriend—not because of him, but because of what it said about her. This story comes from the Love Letters podcast. Listen to more of their episodes here. Proxy is back with new cases every other Tuesday. Follow the show so you don’t miss the next one. New to Proxy? Start with Bisexual Wife Guy — it’s one of the clearest examples of what this show does.
Nicole Can't Stop Being Aggro
9mo ago · 53:36
The case of the organizer who's afraid to stop being angry. Nicole knows how to be mad — and channel that into her work as a labor organizer and activist. The problem is, Nicole’s aggro mode doesn’t always stay in her political work. Sometimes it spills onto friends, family, and strangers. And underneath the anger, Nicole suspects there’s a feeling she’s afraid of: grief over the horrors she's fighting. against. In this episode, Yowei connects Nicole with Deborah Gould, a former ACT UP activist and political theorist who has spent decades studying the emotions that fuel and fracture movements.
Bob and the Forgiveness Spell
9mo ago · 45:39
The case of the woman who wants to forgive her mom, but doesn't know how. Erin wants to forgive her mother. Not because her mother deserves it. Not because Erin wants a relationship with her. But because Erin is tired of feeling so angry. The problem is, forgiveness feels like science fiction. How do you release resentment toward someone who hurt you deeply? How do you stop being mad without pretending what happened was okay? In this episode, Yowei connects Erin with Robert Enright — a psychologist who helped pioneer the science of forgiveness.Together, they investigate what forgiveness is, wh
Yaroslava Can't Go Home
10mo ago · 41:55
The case of the teenager who can't go home. Yaroslava was 16 when she woke up in Ukraine to the sound of explosions and had to flee her town in Ukraine. Now Yara is 19, living in New York, studying digital marketing, arranging flowers, and doing better. But her grandma is still back home. Her friends are scattered. And every time Yara starts to enjoy her life here, she feels guilty for not being back home. In this episode, Yowei hosts a proxy conversation between Yaroslava and Sariyah Abuzant, a filmmaker from Palestine who also had to make a life far from the place she loves. Together, they i
The First Ever Extrovert-Introvert Cage Match
10mo ago · 44:26
The case of the introverts and extroverts who love each other, but sometimes can't stand each other. Why do some friends need constant contact, while others need three to five business days to text back? Why does one person’s “fun hang” feel like torture to another? And why does it hurt so much when the people we love have different ideas of what connection should look like? In this special Proxy conversation, Yowei brings together comedian Aparna Nancherla, extrovert Ryan Letts, and introvert-extrovert expert Jennifer Kahnweiler for a historic summit on introvert-extrovert relations. Together
An Estrangement Mystery
11mo ago · 41:04
An Emotions Beat episode about the reasons that keep going missing. In family estrangement, there's a strange pattern that shows up again and again: adult children say they've explained why they need distance, while parents say they have no idea what went wrong. So where do the reasons go? In part 2 of our estrangement series, reporter Kim Nederveen Pieterse talks with two therapists who work on opposite sides of family estrangement: Becca Bland, who is estranged from her own parents and now helps families navigate this, and Joshua Coleman, who became an expert on estranged parents after recon
JC's Kids Won't Talk To Her
11mo ago · 1:00:13
The case of the mother whose kids won’t talk to her. JC’s adult children have cut off contact with her. They’ve told her why. But JC still doesn’t understand what happened — or what, if anything, she’s supposed to do now. So reporter Kim Nederveen Pieterse finds JC a proxy: Chess Dugas, a woman who cut off contact with her own parents and now talks publicly about estrangement on her YouTube channel, The Scapegoat Club. Together, JC and Chess have the kind of conversation neither of them can have with their own families — about no contact, boundaries, gifts, guilt, missing your mom, and whether
Alex and the Impossible Ask
11mo ago · 55:59
The case of two podcasters who hated asking for money. Alex Goldman used to host Reply All. Yowei used to host Invisibilia. Now they both make independent podcasts — Alex with Hyperfixed, Yowei with Proxy — which means they now have to ask listeners for money all the time. The problem, is they hate doing this. In this episode, Yowei and Alex investigate the the great emotional conundrum of independent media: can you ask people to support your work without feeling sleazy, annoying, pathetic, egotistical, or like a scared telemarketer? With help from fundraising expert Haley Bash and one very ho
Sandy and the Silence
1y ago · 31:53
An Emotions Beat investigation about what silence sounds like when your rights are under attack. After Trump’s reelection, Sandy Ernest Allen watched attacks on trans rights escalate — and waited for more cis people to say something. Check in. Show up. Make noise. But mostly, he heard silence. Then Sandy did something counterintuitive. Instead of asking why people didn’t care, he asked cis people what made them start caring about trans rights. Hundereds of people answered. In this episode, Yowei and Sandy investigate what’s hiding inside the silence: overwhelm, shame, fear of saying the wrong
How to Cope with Now
1y ago · 37:05
An Emotions Beat episode about how to keep caring without falling apart. Anya Kamenetz was having trouble coping with the state of the world. So she decided to report on those feelings. In this episode, Yowei talks with Anya about what she's learned from scientists, activists, psychologists, and thinkers about how to live through crises upon crises. Together, they investigate compassion fatigue, psychic numbing, fear, denial, burnout, joy, collective action, and why coping with now doesn't mean looking away — it means moving through the hard feelings to keep taking action. From the episode: —
Zakiya Used to Be So Fun
1y ago · 39:40
The case of the people person who fell out of love with people. Zakiya Gibbons used to love strangers, nightlife, and somehow always ending up on a boat. Then lockdown happened. And somewhere in that solitude, Zakiya discovered something alarming: she loved being alone. And when the world opened back up, the things that used to light her up — parties, small talk, new people — made her anxious instead. Zakiya wants to know: is this just who she is now? Or can she get back to the open, exuberant, people-loving version of herself? In this episode, Yowei finds Zakiya a proxy: personality researche
Amanda and the Nonstop Narrator
1y ago · 54:42
The case of the writer whose inner narrator will not shut up. Amanda Montell is very good at telling stories. So good, in fact, she can’t seem to stop telling them — even to herself. Amanda has what she calls a “Storymaker” in her head: an internal narrator constantly shaping her life into scenes, arcs, jokes, metaphors, and meaning. Most of the time, it’s fun. It makes life feel cinematic. It’s useful for her writing. But lately, Amanda has been wondering if the Storymaker is doing too much. Is she actually living her life, or narrating it from the outside? In this episode, Yowei connects Ama
Brian Can't Stop Fact-checking His Mother-In-Law
1y ago · 51:49
The case of the reporter who can't stop fact-checking his mother-in-law. Brian’s mother-in-law has Alzheimer’s and lives with his family. He loves her. He knows she can’t help misremembering things. And still, when she says something that isn’t true, he corrects her. In this episode, Yowei connects Brian with Claudia Drossell, a psychologist who works with caregivers of people with dementia. Together, they investigate the emotional reality of caregiving: grief, resentment, shame, and how to accept his anger so he can protect the time his family has left. From the episode: — Brian Reed — host o
Is It Time To Break Up the Band?
1y ago · 55:30
The case of the bandmates who can't finish their record and don't know why. Evan and Chris are best friends, bandmates, and creative partners. Years ago, their band The Superweaks was on the verge of breaking out. Then Evan's brother Corey — the band's bassist — died suddenly, and the band never recovered. Now they have a record that's almost done. Just a few vocals left. But it's been stuck for years, tangled in grief, burnout, ADHD, resentment, lack of leadership, and silence. In this episode, Yowei connects Evan and Chris with Ryan Dusick, founding drummer of Maroon 5 turned therapist, to i
Aparna and the Self-Loathing Introvert
1y ago · 40:34
The case of the introvert who keeps waiting for personality puberty to hit. For most of her life, Yowei saw her introversion as a character flaw to fix. Then Yowei read Unreliable Narrator by comedian Aparna Nancherla and realized she wasn't the only one who felt this way. In this episode, Yowei talks introvert-to-introvert with Aparna about self-loathing, performance, the extrovert ideal, Asian woman stereotypes, why “be yourself” is terrible advice, and how to take up space without trying to become someone else. From the episode: — Aparna Nancherla, author of Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself,
Mic Chooses the Wrong Life
1y ago · 44:49
The case of the man who can't stop regretting the life he didn’t choose. Mic Nguyen was supposed to be a doctor. Becoming a doctor meant stability, respect, and making his parents proud. Instead, Mic became a comedian and advertising creative. He loves his life. But whenever money feels tight or work feels uncertain, the old question comes back: did he mess up by not going to medical school? In this episode, Yowei connects Mic with regret researcher Amy Summerville to investigate why regret hurts, why our imagined alternate lives can feel so real, and how regret can point less to what we did w
Bisexual Wife Guy
1y ago · 51:11
The case of the bisexual wife guy who got dumped. George was married to a woman he loved. Then she came out as bisexual and left the marriage. George is happy for her. But he's also heartbroken, confused, and stuck with questions he doesn’t feel allowed to ask. In this episode, Yowei connects George with Hanna Rosin, who has lived a version of this story from the other side. Together, they investigate late-in-life queerness, divorce, closure, performative okayness, and how to move forward when you feel like a minor character written out of someone else’s story. From the episode: — Hanna Rosin,
The Layoff Trilogy 3: HR by Proxy
2y ago · 46:19
The case of the couple who want answers from HR. Months after Elliot was laid off, he and his husband Miles were still angry — not just about the layoff, but about the way it happened. The smiling HR rep. The severance paperwork no one explained. The desk he wasn’t allowed to pack up. The coffee spilled all over his belongings. They had questions they couldn’t ask the actual HR person without risking Miles’s job. So Yowei found them a proxy: Catie Maillard, a veteran People Operations professional who has conducted hundreds of layoffs and been laid off herself. In Proxy’s first-ever proxy conv
The Layoff Trilogy 2: Danger Day
2y ago · 41:19
Please note: This story contains brief mention of suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 9-8-8, or the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. After Elliot was suddenly laid off, his husband Miles kept working at the same company — in the same office, with the same HR rep, under the same threat that he might be next. Then Miles heard a rumor: more layoffs were coming on the third Thursday of the month. Danger Day. In this episode, Yowei follows Miles and Elliot through the horror-movie logic of layoff a

Episodes

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More Society shows

Proxy with Yowei Shaw

Episodes 27

Taelor Doesn't Want to Have Sex

Sam Doesn't Know How to Be Rich

Alex's Husband Is Too Straight

Yowei Can't Speak Bro

Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs

Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head

Yowei Used to Hide Her Husband Kyle (from Love Letters)

Nicole Can't Stop Being Aggro

Bob and the Forgiveness Spell

Yaroslava Can't Go Home

The First Ever Extrovert-Introvert Cage Match

An Estrangement Mystery

JC's Kids Won't Talk To Her

Alex and the Impossible Ask

Sandy and the Silence

How to Cope with Now

Zakiya Used to Be So Fun

Amanda and the Nonstop Narrator

Brian Can't Stop Fact-checking His Mother-In-Law

Is It Time To Break Up the Band?

Aparna and the Self-Loathing Introvert

Mic Chooses the Wrong Life

Bisexual Wife Guy

The Layoff Trilogy 3: HR by Proxy

The Layoff Trilogy 2: Danger Day

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Episodes 27

Taelor Doesn't Want to Have Sex

Sam Doesn't Know How to Be Rich

Alex's Husband Is Too Straight

Yowei Can't Speak Bro

Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs

Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head

Yowei Used to Hide Her Husband Kyle (from Love Letters)

Nicole Can't Stop Being Aggro

Bob and the Forgiveness Spell

Yaroslava Can't Go Home

The First Ever Extrovert-Introvert Cage Match

An Estrangement Mystery

JC's Kids Won't Talk To Her

Alex and the Impossible Ask

Sandy and the Silence

How to Cope with Now

Zakiya Used to Be So Fun

Amanda and the Nonstop Narrator

Brian Can't Stop Fact-checking His Mother-In-Law

Is It Time To Break Up the Band?

Aparna and the Self-Loathing Introvert

Mic Chooses the Wrong Life

Bisexual Wife Guy

The Layoff Trilogy 3: HR by Proxy

The Layoff Trilogy 2: Danger Day