Ahhh, mes enfants. Gather around, light up your many, many cigarettes and attendez-vous to this, the latest pointless entry in our series “Cuz It’s Good For You,” our latest meaningless distraction from the misery of existence and our inexorable descent into the grave. You, get me another keg of Pernod. Ah, bon, bon. Oui, this time Michel and I, we choose yet another laughable excuse for art from Le Collection de Criterion, Réne Clément’s, or as you foolish Americans say, Rene Clement’s, slightly-less-insignificant-than-some work “Purple Noon.” This film, she is adapted from le novel by Patric
Good morning, children. Is everyone sitting comfortably? Phones away? Good. This morning on Mr Max, Mr. Mike, and Mr. Movies, we’re starting a wonderful new series. Sienna, please put that away. You can play with your tritium vials later. Now Mr. Movies can be lots of fun, can’t he, children? But not all things can be about fun, can they? No, they can’t. Mr. Movies is also good for you! Mr. Movies has many, many movies that you should watch, enjoy, and learn from. Learning is the most fun, isn’t it, children? Dakota, that weighted blanket is NOT a weapon. Unwrap Dyylann’s head, please. We’re g
Hear, O ye flippin’ gods, hear how the great epic of “Tops and Bottoms” now comes to a glorious end! Yea, Maxshepsut, god of all Post-it notes, and his Priest-King Mikehotep, the Constantly Flatulent, have tackled a most ponderous epic of legendary legendness, massive of budget and stupendous of run-time: “Cleopatra,” greatest hauler of wealth of the year 19 and 63! For many hours did we ponder this ponderous pontiff of . . . pontoons. Silence! Mock not the ancient writings of two days ago! Join in our epic journey! Thrill to our opinions of Richard of Burton, drinker of heroic proportions! Wi
Oh those darn Martians! If it’s not one thing with them, it’s another! Either they want to Attack! or they want to steal our Santa Claus or they need women or they want to invade Puerto Rico . . . it’s always something! Geez, guys, get it together. You’d think they’d be happy with all those Rovers we keep sending them, but no! In this week’s penultimate installation of “Tops and Bottoms,” we’re addressing a decades-old issue when Mars decided to invade Earth, apparently. Or at least they decided to invade a really impressive estate in California. That’s practically the same thing. Join us and
Hey kids! It’s time for everyone’s favorite club here in our “Tops and Bottoms” series, “Billionaire Boy’s Club”! Yaaaay! C’mon, everyone, let’s all sing along with the Club song! Who’s the members of the club that we will never see? B-I-L, L-I-O, N-A-I-R-E! Who will screw their fam’ly, friends, and then screw you and me? B-I-L, L-I-O, N-A-I-R-E! Billionaires! (Money rules!) Billionaires! (Gosh they’re tools!) They’ll sell their souls to keep their profits high! High! High! High! Come along and sing the song, push morals out to sea, B-I-L, L-I-O, N-A-I-R-E! Wasn’t that FUN? Give a listen as we
Hey there, No-Prize Winners and Merry Marvel Marchers! This week’s entry in “Tops and Bottoms” [pause for Mike to stop giggling for some reason] is the biggest earner of 2018 and it’s the penultimate Avengers movie of Marvel’s Phase 3, Ephesians 7, Jackson 5, or whatever it was and it made a barge-load of ducats when it came out, and why wouldn’t it? I mean, you’ve got Doc Bruce Banner it, and while as the Hulk he may be un-glamor-rays, still he’s apparently loveable! You’ve got Captain America throwing his mighty shield! And what happens to those who chose to oppose his shield? Why, they must
A long, long time ago . . . ok, so it was eleven years . . . in a galaxy, far, far away . . . except it’s actually the one we’re in now, and it wasn’t even that far away on this planet so this is clearly going nowhere WHY did I take this job?! ANYWAY . . . so, here and now in our series “Tops and Bottoms” we’re tackling the first film in the third trilogy . . . yeah, that’s about right, of the “Star Wars” behemoth, “The Force Awakens”, a film that was in no way divisive and everyone had well-thought-out and calm reactions to and that they addressed in polite and civil discourse with one anothe
This time we’re starting with the Bottom of 2015 in our “Tops and Bottoms” series (dammit, why does Mike keep giggling at that title?) and the biggest money loser of 2015 was “Jem and the Holograms,” a live action movie based on an 80’s cartoon about a girl-group popstar band. Now, regardless of what we have to say about this movie, I have to point out that this film was clearly doomed from the start. What was John Chu thinking when he signed on to direct? If you’re going to adapt a cartoon about a musical group, how could you choose anything other than that under-appreciated classic “Jabberja
Well, in this episode of “Tops and Bottoms,” we move from the Top grossing film of 1959 to . . . well, the bottom grossing film. Hoo boy, this is gonna be painful. What’s it going to be? Some late-career Ed Wood movie? Ooo, are we going to get another entry from the Cor-man? There are so many of his we still haven’t endured, I mean, seen! Heh, I bet it’s some teen movie or cheap science fiction dreck. Let’s check the Max-O-Tron 9000000 . . . oh . . . huh. “Sleeping Beauty.” Ok, sure this must be some sort of knockoff from some cheesy Latvian or Upper Voltan animation studio, right? Sort of thi
Friends, Romans, Countryfolk . . . lend me a dollar, won’t you? No? Well, fine, we’re doing a new series anyway! So quo that in your vadis! This time we’re choosing a random year every two episodes and discussing the most successful movie of that year and the biggest bomb of that year. At Mike’s direction, we’re calling it “Tops and Bottoms.” Personally, I don’t see what bathing suit components have to do with cinema, but Mike was very insistent about this title . . . although he kept giggling every time he said it, so I’m not sure how serious he was. Tops and Bottoms . . . nossir, I don’t get
All right, mes amis, listen here. I am the famous French (Canadian) detective, Inspector Faux Clousaux and here is mon assistante and turnip-handler, Mike-o. We are here investigating the murder of the latest podcast series “Zis Looks Like Ze Bon Place Pour a Stick-up.” Did I mention I was French (Canadian)? I believe that un of you is behind zis terrible . . . pardon, Mike-o? Really? You think my cravat is too last-season? Bon, bon, merci. Excusez-moi, I have instructed Mike-o to randomly attack my fashion sense, to prevent le sartorial complacency. Well done, Mike-o. Now, when last seen, ze
Hey there, effendi! Check out these incredible bargains we have here at the Max, Mike; Market! Fabulous antiquities, shah! Look here, very rare: Attila the Hun’s hernia truss! Never before seen outside a museum . . . wait, don’t go, emir! My partner and I can see you are one of great discernment and taste, so feast your star-like eyes on this! Yes, that’s right! Socrates’ first iPhone case! You know, some fools don’t believe this even exists, pasha! And here! Marie Antoinette’s personal nose-hair trimmer! No, no, clearly that’s not right for . . . oh. Wait . . . maybe . . . we’ve been saving t
Look, for this episode of “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup,” we’re dealing with the world of art theft and art forgery. Interesting stuff! No, neither of us had heard of this movie before, despite the intriguing cast, which includes Kurt Russell, Jay Baruchel, Matt Dillon and . . . Terrance Stamp? Really? Yes, really! In honor of this movie, Mike and I are attempting to replicate one of the masterworks of the 19th Century artist Cassius Marcellus Coolidge. Getting the color balance right, matching the elegance and superb attention to detail is no easy task but I have faith in Mike’s
Heyyyyy, good to see all youse folks again! I mean, we just saw you last week, right? ‘cause me and Mike have been here the whole time, right? You saw us . . . RIGHT? Anyone asks, we’ve been around the last few weeks, doing, y’know, charity stuff and helping orphans and that kinda crap. You remember that . . . RIGHT? Good. We thought so. So, we got this movie, right? It’s Spike Lee, which is kinda a surprise, really, ‘cause it’s a heist film and he don’t do that stuff, usual-like. But we’ve been talking about it for the last few weeks, right? RIGHT? Good. You remember us talking about it. Yeah
Ok, my l33t haxx0rz! We’ve got a major kludge to pen test here so let’s get to it. We’re going to hack this week’s episode of “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup,” 1992’s “Sneakers.” Coming off the “hacker mania” of the early 90’s (the Internet Worm, Operation: Sun-devil, and the horror that was “Mario Hotel”), this movie posits the frightfully tech-savvy question: “what if there was a magic box that could do magic things to every computer anywhere, all the time, in seconds?” So l33t! Very tech! Weird question? Well, what if some of the people who are trying to answer it are Robert Red
Ok, ok . . . easy . . . slow and steady does it. Now the electronics of this lock are TEMPEST-resistant, so we’re going to have to handle this old school. The molybdenum magnets should help with that; the glass packs and the relockers rule out any brute force methods so this is going to have to be surgical. No, don’t be an idiot; using soup is out of the question, and so is bumping the rig. Set up the diamond-tip drill but keep the tungsten carbide bit handy. Once we get past the outers, the thermic lance should get us through the inner reinforced barrier. Good, good. Hey, relax! You wanted th
Welcome to our series “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup”! Now, we’ve never met before, have we? Of course not, ha ha! I have in my hand an ordinary deck of playing cards, an electric chainsaw, and a plucked, uncooked goose. I want you to choose a card, any card . . . good, good, don’t show it to me, just memorize it. Now put it here into the goose’s anal cavity. No, no it’s fine, no need for that look. Terrific! How about a hand for our volunteer folks?! Aren’t they great? Now, over here we have a perfectly live ordinary pony. You’re going to use that chainsaw to saw this pony in hal
Listen up, my shrewd and cunning listeners! We’ve called you here today because we’re planning a big job and we need your particular set of skills. That’s right, we’ve got a major score lined up: a brand new series called “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup”, a series about heist movies and nothing but heist movies! Movies with cunning plans and brilliant operators where nothing can go wrong . . . can it? Our first target is a movie starring Sir Alec Guinness (if you search your memories, you may remember that he was in a couple of little, forgotten science fiction movies in the 70’s a
Heheheheheh! So you see we have come to the end of our series “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)”! But you may think you have won because we are now at the end but you must listen to me now and hear what I say because your kung fu is not strong enough to make it to the end of this series! No, it isn’t! Hahahahahaha, that is very amusing to me! You may think of kung fu movies as being like the works of the Shaw Brothers but their kung fu is weak and not strong but ours is stronger! Hahahaha! You better pay attention! Yeah! Listen to my inexplicable Australian accent as I explain your inevi
Cats. What do we know about them? We know that naming them is a difficult matter. We know that they are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. We know that T.S. Eliot was fond of them and Andrew Lloyd Weber found a way to turn that fondness into obsession (and the movie turned them into a nightmare). We know that a cat is an angel that poops in a box. But now, thanks to this week’s entry in our series “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)”, we know that they don’t dance. Ever. . . or do they? Spoiler alert: in this film they do, in a manner suspiciously reminiscent
Ok, most cunning and perceptive listeners, Max and Mike desperately need your help this week. Yes, through exhaustive research (following YouTube threads) and careful observation (watching Nicholas Cage movies), we’ve uncovered an ancient conspiracy involving the fate of the Necco wafer factory! Necco wafers: essential both as dry, chalky candy treats and makeshift poker chips. Yes, wake up, sheeple! You’ve been lied to! This is big, folks; it involves the Illuminati, the Rosicrucians, the Knights of Pythias, the Order of Free Gardeners, and That Weird Guy Bob Who Hangs Out Down By the Stop an
All right, maggots! Listen up and listen good! Your mamas are not hear to take care of you now! You are in Max, Mike; Movies, here at Camp “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)” and the only way out is over a heap of dead-and-watched movies! We are your Drill Podcasters and we are here to make sure that you make it through this week’s movie, one “1941,” directed by General Steven Spielberg, alive and with most of your sense of humor intact. You WILL watch this movie. You WILL NOT look away. You WILL recognize alums from “Saturday Night Live,” “Second City TV,” and “Animal House” in this movi
(sung to the tune of “Beach Baby” by The Beach Boys) Do you remember back in old Aruk? When the priest Rip Torn started running amok. What happened to the king’s unborn son? A witch stuffed him in a cow and away she run! Beastmaster, Beastmaster, find you some pants And go questing with tigers and ferrets. Also a bird, with no name that I heard, and some bat folks. Beastmaster, Beastmaster, twirlin’ your sword, Gonna make out with sweet Tanya Roberts. You’ve got John Amos and no one else famous to help you. Yes, we’re rockin’ through the hits in this, our extended series “Cuz I Wanna (And You’
Welcome all you punks and punkettes, to this week’s entry in “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)”! This week, we are both rocking and/or rolling! Yes! We will rock out with our socks out! Anarchy within reasonable limits! Oo! We’re discussing perhaps the greatest movie ever to star both The Ramones and Clint Howard! Woo! Down with the establishment! We’re somewhat miffed at multiple authority figures! Hey, Mike! Watch me punk out! I’m going to set this glass on the table . . . WITHOUT a coaster! I’m out of control! You can’t stop me; don’t even try! Gamble Grimble Hey! Woo again! See, I’m
Howdy, I say, howdy, y’all! What’s all this here nonsense with all y’all goin’ gaga for this chicken-come-lately Benoit Blanc? Why, he’s, I say, he’s just poachin’ my act! Everyone knows that Foghorn Leghorn is the original Southern-Friend flat-claw. Blanc? Why, that boy’s about as sharp as a bowling ball! He’s so dumb, he thinks a pigpen is somethin’ to write with! Why, I say, why are these here fellas, Max and Mike, goin’ on about this fella in their “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It”) series? I say, they’re as mixed up as a feather in a whirlwind! I ask you! These boys got more nerve t
