GR8 Relationships
Pursuing Their BEST - Freedom in Relationships
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Pursuing Their BEST - Freedom in Relationships
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Louie and I have heard that many times from both men and women. Does that mean the biblical designs are wrong? Of course not. Just because I have a design does not mean that the design will be properly utilized. For example, have you ever used a common kitchen knife as a screwdriver? It can be used that way, but the design is not as useful as when the knife is used to spread jelly or butter on some bread.
Results AND Relating is a great principle for any relationship to use and it is imperative for great leadership. The principle is just another way to talk about the image of God—Separate, Powerful (Results)—Belonging, Relational (Relating).
Your relationships will be just like the couple above when the image of God is distorted. Men's testosterone puts a focus on power for men and women's estrogen-progesterone focus on relating. Of course, development can focus men on relating and women on power, so we have a real mess. Whether based on design or development, each of us tends to have a preference for power or relating. Too much power becomes "My way or the highway!" Too much relating becomes "Can't we all just get along!"
If the image of God is best described by the two words—Powerful and Relational, then we should be able to find scriptures to support the idea.
Here is what you may have been taught is the image of God: God has emotions—mankind has emotions; God has intellect—mankind has intellect; God has a will—mankind has a will. While true, here is a better option—God's image has something to do with maleness and femaleness. Genesis 1:26-27 are the first verses that use "image of God".
Women are an absolutely stunning creation and blessing from God. I can identify with Adam's pleasure when he first saw Eve. That is a common feeling when I look at Louie, even to this day.
Man is designed to WORK, but he needs a suitable companion, which is why God designed woman.
Without clarity of good and bad, anything goes. Satan wants us confused, thinking that things are not really good or bad. In fact, he wants you to think that things are complex, even those things that are plain and obvious. The primary strategy that he uses to add complexity to our life is was used with Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The common pattern everyone experiences has three simple steps and it sounds like this: “I was living this way. Then one day THIS happened. Now I live my life differently.”
Actions can help your feelings change. But if you are acting differently than you feel, does that mean you "Fake it till you make it?" Since your feelings are indicators, they reveal what your thoughts are and what your actions may be. Feelings and BehaviorNo doubt, thinking belongs at the beginning, so should acting come second or third? You can realize significant benefits when you act, even when your emotions oppose the action, and strengthen your action when emotions are engaged.Which is it – acting then feeling, or feeling then acting? You have entered the "fake it till you make it" domai
Some people aren't interested in getting to a solution or finding a way to get along - they say, "Just let me be mad!" Is that okay? Not if they are not willing to slow down and talk to help resolve whatever is the issue. But, you also want them to express those feelings whether valid or not. Feelings are bad or good; they are just indicators. Therefore, they respond to the stimuli they receive and are untrustworthy and fickle. You can reinforce the idea that feelings are primarily responders and often untrustworthy by considering two simple statements: Bad can feel good Good can feel bad “Bad
To use the Magic Question tool properly you need good listening and question skills. It is designed to help people discover solutions rather than being told what to do. Try these steps on yourself and see what happens.
Do you have a favorite scary movie? Maybe the classic movie "Pyscho". Mine is the original "Alien" and even though it is my favorite, it's difficult to watch, because it does such a good job of scaring me with its special effects and story!
The Freedom V is an excellent tool and principle because it helps you grasp the relationship between freedom and self-governance. The Freedom V graphic is largely self-explanatory. The two most essential elements are the V shape and the arrow in the middle.The V ElementsFirst, the V shape. The lines on the right and left are boundaries that define the limits of acceptable behavior. These boundaries are best when they are clear and bright. Nothing is left to speculation or conjecture. And they need to be easily known and advertised, if possible.Second, the space inside the V represents the area
The Antonov 225 is a very large airplane—350 tons and can carry 300 tons of cargo—but it flies! That must mean that gravity is not real OR there is a principle higher than gravity. Of course, gravity is real, but Bernoulli's Principle shows us that speed combined with the shape of a wing creates lift "defying" gravity.
Judging other people is so easy, isn't it? All it takes is to look around at all of the "other sinners" and start our judgmental engine. And, what is best about it, even if we don't know something that they are doing that's wrong, we still can speculate about how bad they are. When we are judgmental, we are not willing to accept someone the way they are—flawed, depraved humans just like us. Our "Flashing ME" wants to elevate ourselves above them to make us feel better.
When you operate with freedom toward others, you do not judge them. You can be disappointed with their behavior, but you recognize that any change they make will not last unless they decide to change.
When you want to be accepted by others you will be controlled by them. Now think about it, it’s their choice whether they will accept you—you must meet their standards (probably multiple standards) and even if you meet their standards, they still may not accept you. Ultimately it comes down to whether they want to accept you or not. And, if you really want to be accepted, you may compromise or ignore your values and beliefs. That's one reason why gangs work and good people do bad things they did not think they would do.
Past promises or goals you made can become obligations. It is no longer what you "want" it is now a “have to do”. Now all obligations are not evil, that is not the point. When you start sensing the "have to do" you begin to ignore that you still have freedom to do it or not. You have taken a desire or want, a good goal or commitment and now it requires compliance, blocking any sense of choice or freedom.
As with most of this relationship material, I represent the way to NOT be doing relationships. And, for this control people item, that's me! I speak control fluently and will tell you it severely damages relationships.
It's a very old problem, kids blaming their parents for how they turned out. And from the parents side, taking credit for the kids turning out well or feeling like losers when the kids don't. God speaks directly to that issue in Ezekiel 18.
You are "concerned" that you see sin in their life and you know from God's Word that the consequences of sin are never good. What should you do? Since they are free to sin, do you ignore it and hope they make another choice? Do you get involved and tell them about the sin and hope they change? Do you tell them about the sin and try to make them change? What if they never change?
Our working definition of freedom is "Acting without force or manipulation or acting without controlling or being controlled." Freedom is often not easy for us to understand, especially how it works in relationships. Without freedom in a relationship, you will never know if someone is relating to you simply because they want to. Go listen to "The Third Tool" on the Radio page to help you start understanding how freedom works in relationships. And, watch the "Freedom and Choice" videos in chapter 8.
You are probably not experiencing as much freedom as you think. Even when we are irresponsible with our freedom, not caring about others, we often become controlled by life, circumstances and people. Go listen to "Two Ways to Live and The Third Tool" on the Radio page to listen how we too often live in this Left Circle. And, watch the "Freedom for You: Two Circles" videos in chapter 8.
Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness is so good for you, but it gets derailed when you combine it with things like reconciliation. If you think you must reconcile with someone that may prevent you from the freedom you can have through forgiveness. Listen to hear how reconciliation is completely separate from forgiveness.
